


The Truth about SchuSchu

by Raevehn



Series: FFnet Archive [8]
Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Bad Fashion, Bad Writing, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, spam fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:36:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27195217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raevehn/pseuds/Raevehn
Summary: Original (poorly written) Female Character harasses Schuldig about his life, torments the characters and writes her own "spam fic" about it. Weird sayings from the show appear. O_o;
Relationships: Farfarello/Schuldig (Weiß Kreuz), Naoe Nagi & Tsukiyono Omi | Takatori Mamoru
Series: FFnet Archive [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984520
Kudos: 1
Collections: FFnet Archive





	1. Sunglasses

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, used awkward nicknames again. Farfie = Farfarello. Schuschu = Schuldig/Schuldrich. Apparently my character was... crazy. I have no clue who Gwen is but I don't own her apparently lol Crayfish is Crawford.

The Truth About SchuSchu  
\---------------------  
Neko Akiko: SchuSchu, Why do you always wear sun glasses?  
SchuSchu: Because they are glued to my head.  
Neko Akiko: But still! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WEAR SUN GLASSES!  
SchuSchu: ...  
Farfie: *walks in* Because it hurts God!  
Neko Akiko: Farfie! How did you get here!?  
Farfie: It hurts God if I appear out of nowhere!  
Neko Akiko: Well, it will hurt god if you two stay here and listen to the...SPAMfic! *evil music* Bwahahaha!  
SchuSchu: Help...!  
Farfie: ...  
Neko Akiko: *ties them to chairs* Bwahahaha!  
\---------------------  
Why SchuSchu Wears Sun Glasses All the Time  
\---------------------  
"SchuSchu!" Farfie squeals.

"Farfie!" SchuSchu squeals.

"Baka." Crawford says. 

"..." says Nagi. 

"Hey! Have a pair of sun glasses that I stole from a person because it hurts God!" said Farfie. 

SchuSchu took the sun glasses and glomped Farfie. "Don't loose them or I'll kill you. Jaa ne!" Farfie replied as Crawford dragged him off to be put into his straight jacket.   
\---------------------  
*poof* "Hi Farfie Sama!" Gwen cries. 

"Ahhhhh! How did you get in here?!" yelled Farfie. 

"I dun know! I just appeared out of no where! And I love being in your straight jacket." Gwen cried.   
\---------------------  
Meanwhile... 

SchuSchu pondered about how to make it so that he doesn't loose them. "Wow, how do I make it so that I don't lose my first present?" SchuSchu pondered aloud. 

"Well, we could use packaging or duck tape on them." Crawford pointed out. 

"No! We should use Super glue!" Nagi said. So, they grabbed a bottle of Super Glue and used it on his sun glasses. And to this day he always wears his glasses.  
\---------------------  
Neko Akiko: So SchuSchu, what did you think?  
SchuSchu: That isn't how it happend.  
Farfie: ...  
Nagi: Yes it is!  
Crawford: No, we used tape!  
Neko Akiko: BAKA! Shut up you Crayfish you!  
Crawford: Ok.  
\---------------------  
Disclaimer: I dun own anything in the fic. I dun own Gwen, Weiss, Super Glue, or the tape. X_x I dun even own Neko Akiko! Neko Akiko owns me! Don't sue me! Just go and read chapter 2!

Note: Neko Akiko was created before Akiko was. She is a 2 foot Cat person who acts like a 2 year old sometimes. Every once in a while she is 5 feet tall. ^^


	2. Headband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First his sunglasses? Now we're going to insult his headband?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries. I apologize for the awful hillbilly character.
> 
> \- Mallet like Sana's: Squeaky Mallet. Sana is from Kodomo no Omocha.

The Truth About SchuSchu  
\---------------------  
Chapter 2  
\---------------------  
Neko Akiko: SchuSchu, why do you wear that yellow head band thing all the time?  
SchuSchu: NO MORE SPAMfics!  
Neko Akiko: Answer my question!  
SchuSchu: No there is some Spam in that question of yours.  
Neko Akiko: Fine read the story of your life!  
\---------------------  
SchuSchu Makes a Fashion Statement  
\---------------------  
"Hmm... I need something to make my outfits look better." SchuSchu says to himself. SchuSchu, a tall orange haired mind reading person, heads into town. 

'Why is everybody wearing headbands?' SchuSchu asks him self. He then sees some people at a store. 'I should read their minds and find out about these head band things.' SchuSchu decides as he looks at a tall brown haired guy. 

'Wow! These head bands are so popular and cool lookin'!' the guy thinks. SchuSchu ponders about the words 'cool' and 'popular'. 'Well, everybody has them so that must mean they are popular.' SchuSchu thinks. Forgeting about the word cool he walks over to the shop that they brown haired guy was at. 

"Harry's Headband Boutique?" SchuSchu says aloud. 

"Yup, the best place to get a headband like this!" a little old woman said holding up her white headband with a red dot in the middle. 

"How much are they?" SchuSchu asks. 

"150 yen each." She replies and walks off and ties it to her head. 

"Thank you!" says SchuSchu with a sweat drop as the old lady ties it to her head. SchuSchu walked into the store. 'Wow! There are so many headbands! Which one do I want?' SchuSchu ponders. 

Walking around the huge store someone with the name Harry came up to him. "Hello young fella! Ma name is Harry. What your name be young one?" the guys asks. 

"Um...hi. I want a headband." SchuSchu says not answering his question. 

Harry just looked at the orange haired man. "Ok. You've come to the right place fella. How 'bout you go to the front counter 'n' pick your self out a nice head band." Harry says pushing SchuSchu up to the front counter. 

"Um... I want a red headband." Schuschu says pointing to a headband. "Sorry fella. All sold out. Ya too slow. At this rate all will be gone." Harry said. 

'Stupid Hillbilly.' SchuSchu thought to himself. An hour later, after going through all of the colors, our SchuSchu was disturbed. "Ok, Mr. Hillbilly. Give me a yellow head band before I get mad." SchuSchu sweetly demanded. 

"Y-yes S-sir." Harry replied as he got SchuSchu his yellow headband. "T-that w-will b-be 150 en." Harry Said as SchuSchu took the headband. 

SchuSchu glared at Harry and gave him the 150 yen and walked out of the store.   
\---------------------  
After he got home... "Schuldrich, where have you been! We were searching all day for you!" Crawford yelled. Brad Crawford, he was a future predicting addict with scary glasses and his temper was sharp like a crayfish's pinch was. 

"I'm sorry Crayfish. I mean Crawford. I went and bought a headband." SchuSchu said with a bright smile on his face. 

"SchuSchu!" Farfie yelled as he came running down the stairs with Gwen following him and Nagi following her.

SchuSchu put the headband on just before Farfie got to him and slipped his glasses on over them. 

"SchuSchu! Get her away from me!" Farfie cried as he hid behind SchuSchu. 

Gwen stoped infront of SchuSchu. "Wow! Neat headband! You truly make a fashion statement now!" Gwen said. 

Nagi just smiled. 

*poof* "Wai wai! SchuSchu great fashion statement!" Neko Akiko says appearing out of no where. 

Gwen chases Farfie around the mansion while Neko Akiko chases SchuSchu around the mansion saying, "Come back here Fluffy Wuffie SchuSchu!". 

SchuSchu had a sweat drop the whole time she said that. Nagi, the telekinetic, went off to Yaoi land with Omi and Crawford went to visit his mothers grave. 

"Help! I feel pain for once!" Farfie cried as Gwen glomped him. Farfello, tall sliver haired no pain feeling eye patch over his right eye man, was immobile from Gwen's glomping. 

"Go and bug Ken or someone Neko Akiko!" SchuSchu screamed.  
\---------------------  
Neko Akiko: Kawaii story ne? Ne?  
SchuSchu: Fluffy Wuffie SchuSchu? It is a good story until you appear.  
Neko Akiko: *takes a mallet like Sana's and hits SchuSchu over the head* That was mean!  
SchuSchu: Itai! Gomen ne!  
Gwen: Farfie? Where did my Farfie go?  
Neko Akiko: Gen-Chan! *hug* Here he is! *picks up a SD Farfie*  
Gwen: yay! *takes the farfie and glomps him*  
Neko Akiko: SchuSchu, you do make a fashion statement with your headband!  
Harry: Da young lady is right young fella.  
Neko Akiko: gag! Gag! GAg! GAG! *Akiko keeps on gagging*  
Gwen: Puke! *harry has bad taste so gwen is puking on him*  
SchuSchu: ...Call me that again and you're dead meat.  
Harry: Poor young ladies. You made them sick you young fella you.  
SchuSchu: Shii ne. *SchuSchu attacks harry and he is now dead*  
Harry: ...  
Neko Akiko & Gwen: Yay! you got rid of Harry SchuSchu!  
Gwen: *countiues to glomp farfie*  
\---------------------  
Disclamer: I don't own Harry's Head Band Boutique, Harry, Weiss, Gwen, Neko Akiko! Neko Akiko Owns me! X_x Don't sue me! X_x Just eat SPAM the fake meat and read Chapter 3!

Note: Neko Akiko was created before Akiko was. She is a 2 foot Cat person who acts like a 2 year old sometimes. Every once in a while she is 5 feet tall. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who the hell is Gwen and why did I make Harry? NO CLUE.
> 
> Also, way to go me with my consistency. Schuldig's glasses are apparently glued on according to Chapter 1, but here he is, putting his glasses on. I can only imagine what Chapter 3 will bring.


	3. SchuSchu's Hair Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've picked over his glasses and headband. So next up is of course his hair!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome. Last chapter. Honestly, I love Schuldig. It's why I picked on him.

The Truth About SchuSchu!  
\---------------------  
Chapter 3  
\---------------------  
Neko Akiko: SchuSchu, why don't you cut your hair?  
SchuSchu: no comment to anything that has to do spam or spam fics?  
Neko Akiko: X_x Why wont you answer my questions. Prepare to face your doom.  
\---------------------  
SchuSchu's Hair Secret  
\---------------------  
"SchuSchu, why don't you cut your hair? I'm not asking for a SPAMfic. I'm just wondering." Asako asked. SchuSchu eyed Asako. 

"Well?" Asako questioned. 

"Because I dun wanna." SchuSchu replied smugly. 

"Okaaayyy." Asako said as she rolled her eyes. 

SchuSchu walked off to think in his room.   
\---------------------  
*poof* "X_x Why do I always pop out of no where into my stories!" Neko Akiko yelled. 

"Konnichi wa!" Asako said. 

"Hmn? Oh! Konnichi wa Asako!" Neko Akiko said. 

*knock knock* 

"Who goes there?" SchuSchu said. 

"Special Delivery!" the voice said. 

"Come in!" SchuSchu said. The door opened and in came the delivery man with a BIG box. SchuSchu signed the paper and the man left. "I wonder what it could be!" SchuSchu said jumping up and down from one foot to the other. 

"Surprise!" Neko Akiko said as she jumped out of the box with hair utensils. 

"W-what a-ar-are you doing here!" SchuSchu stutered. 

Neko Akiko just smiled and locked the door. "I'm going to bug you until you tell me why you don't cut your hair!" Neko Akiko evilly chuckled. 

"Fine I'll tell! Just don't touch the hair." SchuSchu begged. Neko Akiko tossed down the combs and sat on SchuSchu's bed. "I don't cut my hair because I like long hair considering I grew up in a house of girls." SchuSchu explained. 

Neko Akiko just shook her head and said, "I'm surrounded by idiots." 

SchuSchu just stood there. "Will you believe that I'm too lazy to get it cut?" SchuSchu asked. 

"Sure, but I will go with the first one to make a good story. Okay Flufie Wuffie SchuSchu?" Neko Akiko says as she glomps him and pokes at his bishie tails. 

"Ok, fine with me." SchuSchu says. Neko Akiko glomped him again and ran off to her computer to write down why he doesn't cut his hair. 

"I want more parts Akiko!" Asako cried. 

"Hmn?" Neko Akiko replied. And thus, the reason why our beloved SchuSchu doesn't cut his hair is because he likes long hair considering he grew up in a house of girls or so he says.  
\---------------------  
Asako: I want more parts!  
Akiko: Fine! In the next chapter! Or wait! there is no more chapters! tell me if I should write "The Truth About Ken!"  
Asako: X_x I dun care. You are just to obsessed with this!  
\---------------------  
disclaimer: I don't own Asako or Weiss! I don't even own the hair supplies! Not even do I own Neko Akiko! She owns me! 

Neko Akiko: Hai!   
Akiko: Now go eat your spam and sleep! X_x

Note: Neko Akiko was created before Akiko was. She is a 2 foot Cat person who acts like a 2 year old sometimes. Every once in a while she is 5 feet tall. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I literally don't own Asako. I have apparently thrust one of my friends at the time into this story, either willingly or unwillingly. Who knows. Sorry Sko. x3
> 
> And oh man. Back in the day of SpamFics. Which I don't think exist anymore. But they sure did on FFnet. I don't know if I actually wrote the Ken series.

**Author's Note:**

> So if you read my fic "Just Another Summer Evening" that's the Akiko referred to at the end. Back in the day, they were sort of the same character. But also not. One was a "cat girl" and one was human. And taller than me (she was me... she's still taller than me). I generally drew Neko Akiko dressed up like Hidaka Ken from Weiss. *Shrugs* I swear I didn't have an obsession.
> 
> Originally published 11/27/01. Finished 11/27/01.


End file.
